You may need to run some sort of background check or something to know what kind of temperament the guy has.
A suave, zen-like guy who can hold in his inner lion is great but if you have a temper tantrum throwing lunatic around your baby, you need to drop him like a bad habit.
So here is a list of the most common reasons your husband’s ex acts like she hates you. She doesn’t hate you, she hates what you represent: The failure of her marriage, the break up of her family, the woman her ex-husband became a better man for, the fear that she might have ruined her child’s life by not being able to make the marriage work. She’s afraid her kids will love you more than they love her. This could include showing up at a parent-teacher conference, forcing the kids to call you mom (yes, that does actually happen), calling the kids “mine,” posting pictures of the kids on your Facebook page, trying to co-parent with her by responding to messages sent to your husband, etc… She perceives you as overstepping boundaries by participating in events she believes are reserved for “mom” and participating in events not only reserved for mom, but that are “firsts.” These might include: taking your stepdaughter to buy her first bra or getting her first haircut; participating in any sort of cosmetic experience (hair color/new hair style/ mani-pedi day); talking to her about the birds and the bees; painting her nails or coloring/cutting her hair the way like it or similar to yours (even if your step is a teen and she requests this, it could still push mom’s buttons). For a long time she could just ignore the painful feelings that accompany divorce. She may even be remarried, but never actually grieved the loss of her marriage and family. When she looks at your strengths, all she sees are her weaknesses.
An irrational fear, as the chances of that happening are basically nil, but a common fear nonetheless. Think of any sort of milestone and you can be sure that mom wants to be there for it. Enter stepmom, and suddenly it’s real and it’s in her face. If she never thought she was a good business woman and you own your own business, that insecurity is magnified.
What starts out with good intentions on the stepmom’s part, often turns into an ugly power struggle or war between mom and stepmom.
Some just have a hard time adjusting to a new reality that includes a stepmom.Kids can be great bonuses to meeting someone new and they can also be nightmares just as easily.When a man gets older he realizes that the chance of meeting a childless woman thins dramatically and the question of “how” may come to his mind in dealing with a child that isn’t his.Meanwhile, Claire thinks the best way to attract boys is to have bigger breasts, so she buys a padded bra, much to the dislike of Jay who punishes her for doing so.Michael hires an attractive girl to tutor Junior in math and later regrets his actions.