Perhaps you've seen it in yourself or your friends — Sally always goes for guys who are emotionally unavailable and Jeff only goes for girls who are after his money.This tendency, as you might have guessed, is not a good thing—it leads to a pattern, a pattern of frustration, heartbreak, and, eventually, cynicism about love.At work, you bump into cabinets and space out during meetings because you’re so intoxicated by fantasies of this guy. Your attention span is shot and you can only keep your mind off him long enough to read a Tweet. How To Break It: Make a rule for yourself: No Fantasy.This is hard because we have no control over where our minds roam.If you have wondered “Why do I keep ending up with the same kind of people?” then I hope some of what I have shared will help you see you are not alone and there is hope.By Deborah Chelette-Wilson I grew up desperately seeking love, kindness and guidance from parents who were unable to meet my emotional needs. It is also true that I transferred that desperate neediness as a young adult into relationships with men who couldn’t meet my emotional needs either.
Instead of lying in bed reliving a yummy date, go out to brunch with a friend. As uncomfortable as it might be, try to have a conversation about what’s actually going on between you rather than indefinitely staying in a fantasy relationship with him. It’s masochistic to be involved with a guy who’s not truly available for a relationship with you, whether it’s because he has a girlfriend, a wife, or just issues. The morning after a date you text him, “Thanks so much for last night, it was amazing! You feel like you have to plot out every step of this relationship and without your constant vigilance, it will wither away and die. You are not really in control anyway, even though you think you are.That young and insecure girl is still part of me, but I have outgrown her beliefs and have created more powerful and sustainable ones.I appreciate her experiences because I have gained so much from them and have used them to help others.While most people are fine showcasing the exterior of their type to anyone who asks — for instance, "I only date guys who make me laugh" — they don't showcase (or perhaps even notice) the inner demons of their type — i.e.e "I only date guys who make me cry".What this means is that men and women have a tendency to date the same type of person, even when it has led, over and over again, to an unhealthy relationship and ultimate heartbreak.