Very often, when the person I'm working with has moved ahead with the relationship, one of these issues -- which might not have seemed huge at the beginning -- becomes a major problem leading to the demise of the relationship. As you read this list, don't just focus on the other person.
Below is a list of some of the red flags I've discovered. Some of these items might not be deal-breakers for you; if the issue is okay with you, then there is no problem. See if you can identify personally with any of these red flags. The person comes on strong at the beginning of the relationship, and tells you exactly what you want to hear. Narcissists can be very intense in their pursuit, and many of them have learned exactly what to say to pull you in, such as, "I've never felt as connected with anyone else as I feel with you," or "You are the most amazing person I've ever met.
Unless this person has had a good amount of therapy and personal growth since the last relationship, a series of broken relationships or marriages may indicate that he or she doesn't know how to have a loving relationship. The person was abused as a child and has not had therapy or done sufficient inner healing work. Without an openness to learning about themselves and you when there is conflict, there is no way to resolve conflict. The person participates in addictions that are unacceptable to you -- smoking, drinking, drugs, addictive eating, gambling, TV and so on.
The more “yes” answers, the more likely it is that you are dating an abuser.
The following is a list of red flags for you to notice and pay attention to when dating someone or beginning a new relationship.
Some of them are indicators that the relationship may become abusive.
What do you do if you're engaged but have serious misgivings about your decision, red flags popping up left and right?
Do you a) get married, since you've set a date, sent out the invitations, spent a boatload of money, are too embarrassed to back out, and believe that most people get cold feet anyway?